he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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