You don't have asthma, your pregnant
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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