I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
