WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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