You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
