we have officially lost it.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
