remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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