I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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