for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
