oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
