if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
