I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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