you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize