I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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