Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
