I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Don't EVER smell your tampon
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Enjoy the penises
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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