her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
