Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
