Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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