Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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