Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
