I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
