Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
