You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize