I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you guys were way drunker than both of me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
