I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
