i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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