I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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