I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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