maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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