dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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