Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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