dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
