Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She even gives head with a lisp.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
