How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
