this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
