Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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