Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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