new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize