He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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