OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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