How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
