We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
