I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
