when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
