Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
