Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
