In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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