what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
