Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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