Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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