I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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