If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think I am morally bankrupt
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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