Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
