see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
