I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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