I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
