Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
