Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
