Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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