please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
