we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
