I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
