...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
