rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
