Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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