It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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