Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
