I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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