you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
