dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
