Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
