i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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