Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
