I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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