before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
