I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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