He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
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