They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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