Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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