Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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