Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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