I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
