Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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