Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
