M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
