I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
