Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
