yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
