if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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