i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
