distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
