He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
