I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
