I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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